Letters: To and From Harry Potter and Voldemort
by Aqua Cahill
Summary: Dear Potter: I am coming to get you. Please don't tell Dumbledore or I will kill you. From, Voldemort. Dear Voldemort: Told Dumbledore, took the Cup, everybody still hates you. From, Harry Potter. Dear Potter: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SNAKE! WHY I OUGHT TO- From, Voldemort. Dear Voldemort: … Why do we keep on answering? From, Harry Potter. Dear Potter: What was your first clue? -Volde
1. Chapter 1

**Letters: To and From, with Input from Others**

**I don't own Harry Potter. **

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**Summary: **

Dear Potter: I am coming to get you. Please don't tell Dumbledore or I will kill you. From, Voldemort. Dear Voldemort: Told Dumbledore, took the Cup, everybody still hates you. From, Harry Potter Dear Potter: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SNAKE?! WHY I OUGHT TO- From, Voldemort Dear Voldemort: … Why do we keep on answering? From, Harry Potter Dear Potter: … You really are just asking that now? From, Voldemort

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Harry Potter looked uncertain at the piece of parchment in front of him, un-sure whether or not it was a fake. _'What's the possibility of this being real?' _Harry thought to himself. _'About 40 0/0. Wait, since when did I think in statics?" _Harry frowned at himself before grabbing the letter from the impatient barn owl on the window ceil, and opened it up.

Much to his horror, it was from Voldemort.

_To: My Arch Nemesis Harry Potter_

_From: The Great Dark Lord Voldemort_

_Subject: Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Potter:_

_I am coming to get you. Please don't tell Dumbledore or I will kill you._

_From,_

_Voldemort_

Harry blinked at the words. HUH? The black haired boy shook his head before taking out a parchment and quill and thought about what to write back. He blinked then had a great 'AH HA!' moment. Harry ran out of the Gryffindor Common room to Dumbledore's office, then flooed to Gringotts. He also went quickly to the kitchens to grab something to eat.

A plate of treacle tart in his hands and he began to write.

_To: Voldemort_

_From: The Super Mega Awesome Harry Potter_

_Subject: RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Voldemort:_

_Told Dumbledore, took the Cup, everybody still hates you._

_Find your own way home._

_From,_

_Harry Potter_

Harry smiled at his letter, and chuckled at the last sentence. He couldn't help but add that Muggle saying. With the letter dried he held it out to the grey owl. The owl flew off, leaving Harry to wonder whether or not the letter was real.

Harry headed up to his room with the Tart still in his hands. He briefly wondered where Hermione and Ron were but shook it off.

'_I wonder if the House Elves to room service?' _

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**If you review I shall continue! I hope you liked it, this will get much more funny as the story progresses.**

**Thanks, **

**Aqua**


	2. Chapter 2

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**I don't own Harry Potter. The Characters might seem a bit OOC. **

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Voldemort watched the sky gleefully, wondering if Potter had gotten his owl. Really, Severus was a genius! Maybe if he communicated with Potter he could get information out of him. Snape was doing just fine, but a new source always helps!

The Dark Lord smirked victoriously as his owl returned, hopefully with Potters letter.

He grabbed the letter from the owl and read it. Many Death Eaters could hear his roar of anger wash through the building.

A few hours later Voldemort was calm enough to respond to Potter.

_To: That Evil Harry James Potter_

_From: The Great and Powerful Lord Voldemort_

_Subject: RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Potter:_

_HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT LORD VOLDEMORT?_

Ok, maybe he wasn't so calm after all.

_WHY I'LL-!_

_From,_

_Voldemort_

He sent it off with the owl.

Harry Potter received the owl when he was supposed to be working on his Potions essay.

Eager to be relieved from the work, he opened the letter.

Harry looked horrified. He grabbed his quill and wrote:

_To: That Git Called Tom_

_From: The Hero Harry Potter_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Lord Moldy Shorts,_

_HOW THE BLOODY 'ELL DO YOU KNOW MY MIDDLE NAME?! I DON'T GO ANNOUNCING IT AROUND FOR EVERYONE TO KNOW! YOU STALKER! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! I WEN'T THERE!_

_From,_

_Harry Potter_

_P.S. Last time I checked, you were the evil one. Bloody idiot._

Voldemort seethed when he read Harry's letter.

_To: THAT RUDE THING CALLED POTTER!_

_From: VOLDEMORT. VOLDEMORT. V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T._

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Potter:_

…_MY NAME ISN'T TOM, EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR MIDDLE NAME, DON'T CALL ME MOLDY SHORTS._

_I repeat, DON'T CALL ME TOM OR MOLDY SHORTS. _

_From,_

_Voldemort_

_P.S. Me, Evil? No, what was your first clue?_

The poor owl glared at the letter. "What!?" Yelled Voldemort at the owl. The owl simply huffed and flew away. Voldemort growled and sent the letter off with another owl.

Now he just had to sit and wait for Potter to reply.

Really, he wasn't that bad was he?

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**Thanks for the reviews,**

**Aqua**


	3. Chapter 3

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**I don't own Harry Potter. The Characters might be a little OOC.**

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Harry Potter was just cleaning off his plate in his bed, (It turns out the House Elves DO offer Room Service. Both Dobby and Harry were very happy about this.) When a big black owl came instead of the smaller grey one. Harry having lost his paranoidness, grabbed the letter and opened it.

Harry frowned and furrowed his eyebrows when he read it. Mumbling to himself, ("That evil little-_!_") he called Dobby and said, "Dobby, can I have a quill please?" Dobby popped into the Gryffindor Boys room, and said, "Yes Harry Potter sir!" Dobby then disappeared before coming back and handing Harry a quill. "Would you like more cake Harry Potter sir?" "No thanks Dobby." Dobby nodded and popped out of the room.

Harry gave himself a fist punch and yelled into the empty room, "I LOVE THIS SCHOOL!"

With that done, he grabbed the parchment on the side table and wrote to Voldemort.

_To: Moldy Shorts, Woldy Warts, Tommy_

_From: Harry You-Don't-Know-My-Middle-Name Potter_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Woldy Warts,_

_I can call you whatever I want. It's a semi-free country when you're not around. Hope where ever you are is nice and warm, because here it isn't._

_Happy Holidays Tommy-Boy!_

_Love,_

_Harry Potter_

_P.S. I don't know, it was just a feeling._

Harry smirked and sent it off.

Voldemort received the letter a few minutes later.

_To: My Enemy Who Won't Shut Up_

_From: VOLDEMORT. SPELL IT OUT WITH ME. V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T. _

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Potter:_

_How. Dare. You. Well, I shall get rid of the peace! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! _

… _Actually it HAS been fairly warm here. I might just need to get out my Summer Dark Lord robes out. I assume you are at Hogwarts?_

_Happy Holidays Potter! (DON'T CALL ME TOMMY. OR TOM. OR ANY OTHER NICKNAMES YOU HAVE CREATED.)_

_From,_

_Voldemort_

_P.S. Did you sign as 'Love'?_

_P.P.S. Maybe you should do Divination then. _

Voldemort smirked and sent the letter off, ignoring the owls pointed looks.

Harry Potter received the letter. He almost burst out laughing. Summer Dark Lord robes? Priceless!

_To: Fine, Bored Voldemort_

_From: Mr. H Potter, Gryffindor Tower, Hogwarts, England, United Kingdom, Europe, Earth, Universe, Galaxy Number 12345678910111213…. Etc._

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Bored Voldemort:_

_Don't get rid of the peace! But can I ask you a favor? Minister Fudge accidentally took my favorite quill last time he popped by, so when you go on your next raid, can you just grab it for me? Thanks._

_Yes, Hogwarts is rather chilly here. I asked Hermione for a warming spell but she didn't tell me any. Just a 'There's a library for a reason, you know.' … I haven't seen her or Ron for a while. I wonder why…_

_Dark Lord Robes? Where do you get them tailored? I doubt you go to Madame Malkins._

_Cheers Voldemort!_

_Love, _

_Harry Potter_

_P.S. You got a problem with how I sign my letters?_

_P.P.S. Actually, I am rubbish at Divination. Are you good at it?_

Harry smiled and sent it off. The green eye boy then frowned when he realized he was out of chocolate cake.

"Dobby!"

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**Thanks for the three reviews! I love all of you for them. Hope this is getting funny! The more people review and follow, the more chapters I update in a day!  
**

**Love, (Yes Voldemort, I went there!)**

**Aqua**


	4. Chapter 4

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**I don't own Harry Potter. The Characters might be a little OOC. Please review and follow! **

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Voldemort did a little happy dance when he received Harry's letter and replied to it.

_To: That Little Rodent That Keeps on Stopping Me_

_From: The Magical Wizard of Voldemort_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Potter:_

_What have I told you about changing my name? V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T. Voldemort, GET IT RIGHT! No I will not get your quill for you! Go out and buy one yourself! Goodness… _

_Maybe your friends got up and left for a while? How am I supposed to now?_

_You have a great eye, my enemy. I get my robes from Tattling Snakes, in Knockturn Alley. Quite a nice place if I do say so myself. And since I am a dark lord I get a discount, only 44 galleons, 18 sickles and 11 Knuts! _

_From,_

_Voldemort_

_P.S. I don't care how you sign your letters, Potter._

_P.P.S. I can read tea leaves, and that's it._

The owl glared hard at the Dark Lord, before cuffing him over the head with its wing. Satisfied with his cursing, the Owl flew away from the screaming lord, carrying the Letter to Harry.

Harry heard an angry knocking on the window, and called Dobby. "Dobby, can you get that?" Harry was enjoying his luxury of having Dobby do everything for him, even his Christmas essays were finished! Dobby popped into the room and opened up the window for Harry.

The house elf also grabbed a quill and parchment for him, and Harry set out writing.

_To: He-Who-Must-Be-Named, No-I-Don't-Know-Who, Scrooge_

_From: You're Worst Nightmare_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Scrooge,_

_BOOM! You are now Scrooge for denying my Christmas wish! _

… _I thought you knew everything though? Could've fooled me, Voldie…_

_Really? My fashion sense isn't complimented much. Think I can get a discount also if I tell them you recommended me? Those robes are only 44 galleons? Wow, what a bargain! That's so wonderful! I have to get mine from Madame Malkins, but recently I have gotten bad service. In case 'Tattling Snake' doesn't give me a discount, got any other places you recommend? For anything really; potions, hats, snakes, cheese, eyeballs, good Hogwarts Professors, the Universe in a can, (Or even Cheese in a can.), etc._

_From your Biggest Fan,_

_Harry Potter _

_P.S. Fine, I changed my endings. _

_P.P.S Only tea leaves? That's better than me. I have to rely on some Divination Teacher. She's awful. Always predicts my death every time she sees me. I have more of a chance to be killed by you then what she predicts. Really, Mermaids and some super heroes are destroying me and Hogwarts? Not a chance!_

_P.P.P.S. Have you ever had Honeyduke's chocolate? It tastes wonderful with Butterbeer!_

Harry tried to give the letter to the owl, but it just glared and nipped angrily at him. Harry tried again and again but it still wouldn't take. Dobby then came into the room. "Harry Potter sir! The owl says that it wants a break and food and water. Can Dobby give it to the owl, Harry Potter sir?" Harry blinked and said, "Sure. Wait you can understand it?" Dobby nodded. He then left the room and came back a second later. Dobby laid out the water and food and the two watched the owl eat and drink. When it was done he handed the owl the letter, and it flew off.

Voldemort grabbed the letter from the owl and let it rest on the window.

_To: The Only Thing Stopping My Plans-AKA That Dork With Glasses_

_From: He-Who-Will-Take-Over-Thee-World_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear My Arch Nemeses,_

_Excuse me, but even Dark Lords celebrate Christmas. Don't call people Scrooge or I will tell my Death Eaters to go after you for hurting my feelings. _

…_.Don't call me Voldie._

_The Tattling Snake should give you a discount; here I will send you a permission slip with 'Approved by Lord Voldemort' on it. That should help. Actually a good store in Knockturn alley would be 'The Death Eater Market.' It comes with everything, although I don't think there would be many good Hogwarts Professor. You would be surprised on how many are up for demand right now._

_From the Most Dedicated Dark Lord,_

_Voldemort_

_P.S. I admit, that is a good idea. More ways to tell you I am going to destroy you!_

_P.P.S Mermaids and Muggle Super Heroes? I don't want to know…_

_P.P.P.S. Yes I have. Ever had a milkshake with chips?_

Voldemort smirked and held the letter out to the waiting owl. Now all he had to do was send Potter the 'Approved by Lord Voldemort' paper, and also his Christmas gift.

… What? Even Dark Lords can get into the sprit!

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**Thanks for reading!  
From,**

**Aqua**


	5. Chapter 5

**Eh… Sorry guys! Long time no see! I've been busy, not with school, (Nah, that's pretty easy.) but with swimming and ballet. On a happier note, Nutcracker is done! And I am not doing the spring show! (Goodness, Swan Lake… We decided though, everyone who didn't get a good part is going to be an Alligator or Unicorn at the Half-Time show!)**

**Enough about my life. Here is your WONDERFUL story you all reviewed, followed, and favorited! You know who you are that reviewed! **

**I don't own Harry Potter or Voldemort. If I did… well… you've been reading this story… you know how it would go.**

…**..**

Previous Letter:

_**To: The Only Thing Stopping My Plans-AKA That Dork With Glasses**_

_**From: He-Who-Will-Take-Over-Thee-World**_

_**Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter**_

_**Dear My Arch Nemeses,**_

_**Excuse me, but even Dark Lords celebrate Christmas. Don't call people Scrooge or I will tell my Death Eaters to go after you for hurting my feelings.**_

…_**.Don't call me Voldie.**_

_**The Tattling Snake should give you a discount; here I will send you a permission slip with 'Approved by Lord Voldemort' on it. That should help. Actually a good store in Knockturn alley would be 'The Death Eater Market.' It comes with everything, although I don't think there would be many good Hogwarts Professor. You would be surprised on how many are up for demand right now.**_

_**From the Most Dedicated Dark Lord,**_

_**Voldemort**_

_**P.S. I admit, that is a good idea. More ways to tell you I am going to destroy you!**_

_**P.P.S Mermaids and Muggle Super Heroes? I don't want to know…**_

_**P.P.P.S. Yes I have. Ever had a milkshake with chips?**_

_Voldemort smirked and held the letter out to the waiting owl. Now all he had to do was send Potter the 'Approved by Lord Voldemort' paper, and also his Christmas gift._

… _What? Even Dark Lords can get into the sprit!_

…

Harry Potter grabbed the letter from the window in the common room, and slit it open with a letter opener. (Courtesy of Dobby.)

_To: Person-Who-Was-Scared-Of-A-One-Year-Old_

_From: The Gryffindor Seeker, Savoir, and all the Jazz_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Smelly Wart,_

_Dude. How old are you? 70-80 or something like that? Why in the bloody world would you send Death Eaters to kill everyone who makes fun of your feelings? That's a little extreme, even for you._

_VVVVVVVVVVOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL DDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEE EEEEEEE!_

_Awesome! Thanks Tommy! _

_That's wonderful! The Death Eater Market sounds like such a delightful and lovely place! …But has Beauxbatons been taking all the Professors? I might have to send a letter of protest… _

_Oh! Guess what?! I got a letter from 'Mione and Ron! I don't understand most of it… it seems like Ron wrote it with Hermione telling him what to write. Not a good thing. _

_Love the most awesome Non-Dork with glasses,_

_Harry J. Potter_

_P.S. IDK! I totally knew you would, like, love it! XD_

_P.P.S. Well, just to tell you, Snape started it…_

_P.P.P.S Actually, I haven't had it. But why would you have a Muggle thing-?_

Harry smiled and sealed the letter to his nemesis. After covering the letter with shiny happy face stickers, Harry sent the letter off with Hedwig, since she was back from Ron and Hermione's.

Wait- Why were they together- and why didn't they invite him_!?_

Voldemort grabbed the letter from the white bird, narrowing his eyes at the bird. "What are _you _staring at?" Hedwig glared at the Dark Lord and peaked him on the head.

Rubbing his head, and cursing every owl, Voldemort wrote out his response.

_To: OH! Look over there! Draco Malfoy is hugging Hagrid!_

_From: The Super-Mega-Awesome-Hot-Dark-Lord_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Potter,_

…_I am in no mood for your games._

_AVANDA KEDAVRA YOU AND YOUR STUPID, IDIOTIC, MENACE OF An OWL!_

_Why you little- Voldie is not my name! Never, nor ever will be! It's V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T._

_Your welcome my enemy._

_I am guessing the blood traitor can't spell and his writing looks like chicken scratch. Goodness, I am sad to say, but that's what Lucius' writing looks like. Except with big loopy letters that look like 'O''s all of them._

_Your always be a Dork wearing red and gold,_

_Voldemort_

_P.S. Why are you talking/writing like that? And what's with all the smiley faces? I can make one so scary that you will shake in terror! _

_P.P.S. Snape… Snape. Snape. Severus Snape… Dumbledore!_

_P.P.P.S. TELL ANYONE AND BIRDIE GOES BYE-BYE!_

Voldemort nodded and put a frowny face sticker on the envelop of the letter, and sent it off with Hedwig, promising himself that they would be having 'Chicken' for dinner…

Now he had to wait… and find that face that would make Potter shiver in his boots…

"Bellatrix! Lucius! Severus! Come here!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Think of this as an early Christmas present! Merry Christmas Guys!  
**

**I don't own Harry Potter or Voldemort. Sorry to pop your bubble.**

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Harry opened the letter covered in frowny stickers and read the 'To'.

He turned and looked around. "Where!?" When the poor boy realized that Draco Malfoy wasn't hugging his Giant friend, Harry turned back to Voldie's letter. "That's so mean…"

_To: LIKE. O.M.G. ALL OF YOUR DEATH EATERS ARE PUTTING ON A FLASH MOB! I AM LIKE, TOTALLY ROTFL!_

_From: Dude. You stole my phrase! That isn't right!_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE ,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Riddle,_

_Aww. Did someone not complete a mission right? That poor person…_

_Y-You did NOT just try and kill my owl did you!?_

_Oh, sorry! You must have been confused. I did mean Voldie! Not Voldemort!_

_Hey! Don't make fun of Ron! Hermione just tends to say a lot of things really fast with big words… it's hard to write that all down easily. Lucius Malfoy… what a mouthful. Big 'O''s? Delightful._

_Back at you,_

_Harry Potter_

_P.S. Oh yeah?_

_P.P.S. Ron. Ron. Ron Weasley. Ron. Ron. Ron Weasley. Hermione! Hermione! Hermione, Hermione , Hermione! HARRY POTTER Ooooohhhh! Oh SNAP!_

_P.P.P.S. I always knew you were insane… although that is a well-known fact._

Harry smirked and sent it off, with a different bird. He wouldn't sacrifice Hedwig to that monster! And besides, the 'Owl' was only a transfigured quill anyways…

Voldemort grabbed the letter from the brown owl and opened the letter. Fuming to himself, the Dark Lord sent only one thing back.

_To: Harry Potter_

_From: The Dark Lord Voldemort_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE ,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Potter,_

**...(O..O)**

**...A"""A_**

**(..(.l..l.)..)**

**.\..\l..l/./**

**... V.l..lV**

**.(..(.l..l.,).)**

**..\..\l..l/./**

…**..V,l..lV**

…**,..,..l..l_._./O\**

**...,..,...\_._._._/l**

_From,_

_The Dark Lord Voldemort_

Voldemort sent it off.

Harry opened the letter when the 'Owl' came back.

The boy frowned at the lack of conversation and sent back his own.

Let's just say, his friend Voldie wasn't expecting it. The point was for that picture to scare the wits out of Potter! Not start a drawing contest! Voldemort wasn't amused when he opened the letter.

_To: Tom Marvelo Riddle _

_From: Harry James Potter_

_Subject:_ _RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE ,RE,RE, RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Tom Riddle,_

_**(/)_(/)**_

_**(='.'=) BUNNY! **_

_**(")_(")**_

_**THIS IS NOW THE 'LIGHT' SIDE'S MARK. CHOOSE YOURS WISELY.**_

_From,_

_Harry Potter_

_Ambassador of the Light Side_

_Boy Who Lived_

_Savoir of the Wizarding World_

_Son of a Marauder_

_Gryffindor Extraordinary_


	7. Chapter 7

WAZZUP MY HOMIES?

Gods. I sound like my ballet teacher/Leo Valdez.

Hahahahahaha~! Sorry for the wait, the next one will be shorter, I promise. I am so happy everyone likes this! I try my best!

I bring you this next chapter! The next one will be longer!

Disclaimer: Thou art not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**PREVIOUS LETTER:**

_To: Tom Marvelo Riddle_

_From: Harry James Potter_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE, RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Tom Riddle,_

_**(/)_(/)**_

_**(='.'=) BUNNY!**_

_**(")_(")**_

_**THIS IS NOW THE 'LIGHT' SIDE'S MARK. CHOOSE YOURS WISELY.**_

_From,_

_Harry Potter_

_Ambassador of the Light Side_

_Boy Who Lived_

_Savoir of the Wizarding World_

_Son of a Marauder_

_Gryffindor Extraordinary_

* * *

Voldemort seethed. That brat took his idea!

_To: Braticas Maticus STOP STEALING ALL MY STUFF!_

_From: An Angry Lord Who Can Destroy You With His Pinkie_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear That-Forsaken-Child-that-Needs-His-Hair-Brushed,_

_HOW DARE YOU STEAL THE GREAT DARK LORD VOLDEMORT'S IDEA! I'LL KILL YOU! AND THEN BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE! AND THEN KILL YOU! AND THEN BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE! AND THEN FIND A NEW WAY TO KILL YOU-_

_From,_

_The Mad Dark Lord Voldemort_

_P.S. Oh. So you just suddenly throw off all of our previous conversations don't you? That hurts man. That really hurts._

Harry barely could hear the tapping on the window, for he was too busy dancing (Quite awkwardly and awfully) to 80's disco music to properly hear the noise.

It was only when the glass broke at the angry pecking of an owl when he finally turned his head to look at the creature.

"Wow! That was totally not okay dude." The owl pecked at the boy's glasses before leaving through the hole in the wall.

"Well that was rude. And I was just getting into the rhythm to."

Harry quickly read the paper, before asking the Room of Requirement for a parchment and ink.

_To: BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA!_

_From: Woah. Angry issues, Dude. Like, I so don't believe that._

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Lord Voldie,_

_Chillax, bro! Everything's good._

_Hear that? GGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD._

_Please don't elaborate on how you're going to kill me. I would at least prefer it to be a surprise._

_And really, bringing me back to life? That's like, totally not very creative._

_From,_

_Harry Potter_

_P.S I'm sorry man, but you started it. Really, look back at the previous letters. You really DID start it._

Harry sent it off.

Then, the disco lights and ball came back out, and the Savoir of the Wizarding World started doing the sprinkler.

"YAHOO!"

Voldemort found himself in the middle of a Dark Creatures/People meeting when Harry Potter's owl found him.

The buzz that surrounded the room subsided as the owl flew in, dropped the letter, and then left again.

"…I thought we put wards around this place."

And there goes the fighting again. Voldie didn't join in this time, as he was too busy cursing to himself and scratching the quill back and forth.

_To: You Fiend! Scoundrel! Pipsqueak! Gryffindor!_

_From: I-WAS-IN-A-MEETING-YOU-KNOW!_

_Subject: RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE,RE Killing Harry Potter_

_Dear Potter,_

_You- You- YOU DUMMKOPF! IDIOTA! HAKUICI! HALFVITI! _

_YOU DO NOT TELL THE DARK LORD VOLDEMORT TO 'CHILLAX.' AND WE ARE NOT FRIENDS, DO NOT CALL ME:  
_

_Bro_

_Dude_

_Voldie_

_Sunshine_

_Rainbows_

_Darky_

_Frowny Face_

_OR ANY OTHER IMBECIL NAME!_

_AND EVERYTHING ISN'T 'GOOD!'_

_Everything is quite bad! Moron! (_This is my eternal rival!?)

_You know what? I'll elaborate even further! I'll call you by the Elder Swear if I have to! Here THAT Potter!_

_Stop being an idiotic teenage girl, Potter, and man up!_

_From,_

_The Angry Dark Lord Voldemort_

_P.S. I DID NOT START IT! YOU DID!  
_

Voldemort nodded to himself as he sent the letter off again, ignoring the looks he got from the others, and settled back in his chair.

Yes. Potter will feel Lord Voldemort's revenge…


End file.
